


All This Feeling Second Best, It’s Got Me by the Throat

by aesthetic_shitpost



Series: we could all be the best kind of friends (jatp polyam fics!) [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bobby | Trevor Wilson-centric, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M, Multi, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, emotions. many of them, these boys are so dumb and oblivious and i love them so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29644302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesthetic_shitpost/pseuds/aesthetic_shitpost
Summary: Bobby Reynolds didn't know much, but he did know three things.One: His band — Alex, Luke, and Reggie — were his best friends.Two: The three of them were inseparable. Soulmates, even, as cheesy as that sounded.Three: He was never going to be a part of that.-classic bobby pining angst with a side of touch starved, coming right up!
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Flynn, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters
Series: we could all be the best kind of friends (jatp polyam fics!) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124087
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	All This Feeling Second Best, It’s Got Me by the Throat

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the second installment in my mission to expand the jatp polycule! if you're reading this and you haven't read the first one, go ahead and do that i promise it's good! but all you really need to know is alex and luke were dating, briefly broke up, and then got back together but with reggie this time about a month before the events of this fic.
> 
> bobby's last name is not wilson because i believe that when he changed his name he changed his whole name, because if he kept the same last name it'd be so easy to put the pieces together (not that he's going to be changing his name in this au). also because i don't want him and carrie to be related in this au lol
> 
> the title and song lyrics used in this fic are from more like you by orla gartland

Bobby Reynolds didn't know much, but he did know three things.

One: His band — Alex, Luke, and Reggie — were his best friends. 

Two: The three of them were inseparable. Soulmates, even, as cheesy as that sounded.

Three: He was never going to be a part of that.

It's not like they didn't like him. He knew that they liked him. They were all in a band together and they hung out, like, all the time. You don't do that with someone you dislike.

But he would never be connected with them on the same level as they were with each other. Refer back to fact number two: they were inseparable. They were soulmates. They needed each other in a way that Bobby knew they were never going to need him. The three of them unequivocally  _ belonged _ with each other. No one could question that. It was plain as day, the way they effortlessly loved each other. 

Bobby was never going to have that. He was trying to belong, desperately trying, but it’s not like there was a user-friendly guide on how to ingratiate yourself into a friend group already a decade strong.

For the most part, he was okay with that. He had plenty of other friends at school. He wasn’t super popular by any means, but he was generally well-liked and invited to things every so often. His effort to be nice when he moved to LA in freshman year had paid off. He had decided he had had enough of being the shy but abrasive new kid, was tired of that making him a loner by default, so when his family left New Jersey the month before high school started, he saw the opportunity to reinvent himself and took it. He had just trained himself to smile whenever he felt like scowling, and somehow within the first month of high school he was already being invited to hang out with people.

He tried to tell himself he was fine with those superficial friendships with Matt from English class or Marcie from the cheerleading squad, but that's all they were — superficial. He didn't really see them outside of school, and if he did, chances were it was at a school-related event. He didn't really seek out any of those people. He sought out Sunset Curve. They were the only people he didn’t have to fake smiles around. It was nice to be able to be himself and be liked for it.

Bobby mostly failed at convincing himself he was fine with it late at night when he was trying to sleep. He would lay awake, wondering why his best friends in the world never seemed to like him as much as they liked each other, why he always felt like an extra, useless cog in the machine during band practice. The rhythm guitarist was not an essential part of the band. They could easily keep performing without him. 

It wasn't their fault. Rationally, he knew that. They had been friends with each other for years before meeting him in freshman year, of course they were closer than he was. 

Unfortunately, rational thought didn’t seem to help.

On good nights, he would write down lyrics in the notebook he kept in his bedside drawer, never to see the light of day. It helped to get them out of his head, and at least he could pretend like he might do something productive with it. 

On bad nights, he concocted scenarios where he blew up at them, telling them in elegant, cutting words how he felt and what they did wrong, and they apologized and hugged him and held him while he cried. In his bed, Bobby hugged a pillow tightly to his chest and felt vindictive and petty and disgusted at himself for wanting his friends to hurt when they hadn't even really done anything. Those nights, it usually took longer to get to sleep.

On his loneliest nights, he imagined his best friends holding him. Just holding him. Alex pressed solidly behind him, the tallest of them all easily encompassing his body with his own. Luke in front of him, arms wrapping around his body and his face pressed into his neck. Reggie behind Luke, hand resting on his side and legs tangled with his. It wasn't always the same. Sometimes he sat in Alex's lap, hugged on either side by Luke and Reggie. Sometimes he laid between Reggie's legs, back against his chest, peacefully playing with Luke's hair in his lap as Alex played with his own. Sometimes he just imagined one of them laying on top of him, their weight pressing him down into the mattress and the empty itch under his skin finally going away.

Bobby craved physical touch. His family wasn't the type to indulge that, never having been big huggers. His friends at school sometimes punched him in the shoulder or wrapped their arm around his, but it wasn't what he needed.

The rest of them touched each other so easily. Arms were slung around shoulders, hair was ruffled playfully, sides were leaned into on the couch. Bobby watched it all happen and wanted it desperately. They never included him in it, though. They never outwardly acted less friendly to him — they still included him in their conversations, they still invited him to hang out, but that crucial final step was left unfulfilled. 

Bobby couldn't help but wonder why, and the only conclusion he could come to is that they simply didn't like him as much as they liked each other. 

And that was fine. He could deal with that. 

(And if the pillow he clutched like a lover was wet near his eyes come morning, that was fine too. No one needed to know.)

-

Bobby was happy his friends had gotten their shit together. Alex and Luke’s breakup had been a bad decision, and while things had seemed tense for a little bit, they were all clearly much happier now that they were all together.

What he wasn’t happy about was the astronomical amount of PDA he was now subjected to. At school, at rehearsal, at lunch — they couldn’t even last a whole movie without climbing into each other’s laps. And don’t get him wrong, Bobby was happy they were happy, okay? He just hadn’t foreseen this problem when he had helped them get together a month ago. 

And it was definitely a problem. Where they had been bumping shoulders on the couch a month ago, now they were full-on cuddling. Where they had been walking side by side, now they were walking hand in hand. Now, Reggie singing at Luke’s mic might be rewarded with a kiss instead of just a grin. 

(Bobby quietly noticed that Luke always beckoned Reggie over with a shake of his head, and that his and Reggie’s mics were equidistant from Luke’s, and that they harmonized with him roughly the same amount. But Bobby never left his microphone.)

At least when it had just been Alex and Luke dating, Bobby wasn’t alone in third-wheeling. He’d still had Reggie beside him to share an exasperated look with when they flirted too much or tease them about acting all lovey-dovey. But now that Reggie was in on it, Bobby was the only one third-wheeling — or fourth-wheeling? Whatever it was, he knew he wasn’t wanted. He was fourth-wheeling every time they hung out! Every band practice they were nearly kissing over the microphone, every movie night they were cuddling, even every day at school they were disgustingly in love. When did hanging out with his best friends turn into hanging out with a sickeningly sweet couple? It was at the point now where Bobby was starting to avoid spending time with them. He turned down invitations for dinner and left right after practice, even when he had nowhere else to be. He reached out to his school friends for a change and began hanging out more with them. Anything he could do to follow the implicit command in his friends’ actions:  _ We don’t want you here. Just go. _

Meeting Julie and Flynn was like a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone else to hang out with, to connect with, to be a buffer between him and the lovey-dovey disasters that were his bandmates. 

Bobby had taken to doing his homework with Flynn and Julie once they realized they all had the same math teacher, they were just in different classes. The girls were nice to spend time with. Bobby could practically feel his walls melting more and more with every time they hung out.

This particular day, Julie couldn’t study with them because she had to go to her little brother’s soccer game. Bobby and Flynn worked together in relative quiet, one of them making a sarcastic comment about algebra every so often. After a few minutes of quiet pencil-scratching, Flynn spoke up.

“Alright.” She put down her pencil and swiveled her chair around to look at him. “What’s going on?”

Bobby looked at her confusedly. “I’m… doing my math homework?”   
  
Flynn rolled her eyes. “Not that, idiot. I’m talking about  _ you.” _ She gestured wildly at him. “Something’s got you sighing over there, like, every five minutes, and I’m sick of it.” She crossed her arms and stared at him combatively.

Bobby laughed nervously. Sure, he had been feeling a little down thinking about his whole “my best friends won’t stop with the PDA” problem, but he hadn’t been  _ sighing _ over it. “It’s algebra, dude. These equations are a real piece of work.”

Flynn raised her eyebrow and gave him a  _ look. _ “We both know you’re not sighing over algebra, Bobby.” After a moment, she sighed herself and sat back in her chair. “Look, I know we haven’t known each other that long, and we haven’t really gotten to the point of being all emotionally vulnerable with each other, but we’re friends. That’s what friends are for.” A sincere tone took over her words. “Plus, I’m  _ really _ good at keeping secrets. Just ask Julie. The stuff I know about her could fill a whole book, but no one else is ever gonna know it.”

Bobby nodded. “Okay. I believe you.”

“So… do I get to hear what’s bugging you?” Flynn leaned forward expectantly. Bobby looked to the side hesitantly and kept silent. 

“The guys are worried about you, you know.” Bobby’s head whipped around to look at Flynn. “They’ve noticed you’ve stopped spending as much with them. They think you’re avoiding them and they’re going crazy trying to figure out why. Julie and I had to stop Luke from literally throwing rocks at your window.” She looked him in the eye. “They miss you.”

Bobby scoffed before he could stop himself and squeezed his eyes shut. “ _ They _ miss  _ me?” _ He muttered under his breath. He felt a bolt of anger sear through him. They didn’t get to say all that after all the pain he’s gone through for them,  _ about _ them. Some small part of him reveled in it, glad that they were finally getting a taste of what they had been putting him through for years. The rest of him was disgusted at himself for the thought.

Flynn’s eyes narrowed. “Of course they miss you, they’re your best friends. Bobby, whatever you’re thinking, talking about it can help. At least get it off your chest.”

Bobby blew out a deep breath. “I — It’s just so hard!” He burst out.  _ How to phrase this…? _ “I thought it was bad when it was just Luke and Alex, but now they’re with Reggie, too, and I — god, they’re so — ugh!” He took a moment to corral his thoughts. “They’re always being sappy and cute and gross and kissing and hugging and  _ touching.” _ He spat the word out like it burned. “And I just have to sit there and watch all of it, all the time.”

Flynn nodded slowly. “So you don’t like that they’re all in a relationship now?”

“No!” He exclaimed. “No, I’m happy for them, I am, really. I just… There's so much PDA.  _ So much.” _

Flynn chuckled. “Yeah, well, I guess that’s what you get when you date Luke Patterson. The guy is so clingy, he’s just like that with everyone.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Bobby crossed his arms. “Not me, though,” he muttered under his breath. If physical touch was Luke’s love language, and he was clingy with everyone except Bobby, what did that mean? (It was almost like one of the equations that he had just been working on. Take variable Luke with coefficient touch. If Luke and touch plus Alex plus Reggie equals love, what is Luke plus Bobby minus touch? Solve for the unknown variable.)

Flynn looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is that what this is about?”

“What?”

“You’re jealous,” she announced.

“No, I’m not,” came out of his mouth far too quickly for it to be true. He knew it wasn’t anyway, but he had to put up the token defense. 

“It’s okay to be jealous, Bobby,” Flynn coaxed gently. “It’s totally normal.”   
  
“It doesn’t feel like it,” he complained. “It feels so selfish.”

Flynn shook her head. “It’s not, I promise.” She leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. “So, you’re jealous that Luke is all touchy with Reggie and Alex but not you.”

“It’s not just that,” Bobby corrected. “It’s all of them.”

Flynn tilted her head to the side. “All of them?”

Bobby nodded. “They’re the most important people in the world to me. I — I love them,” he said, voice raw. “But I know that I’ll never mean that much to them.” 

Flynn gripped his knee. “Don’t say that. You’re their best friend, you’re part of the band! You’re important to them. To all of us,” she said with conviction.

“You don’t have to say that, Flynn, I know you basically just met us,” Bobby sighed, resigned. “I arrived about ten years too late to their friendship and I’m never going to have the same bond with them that they have with each other, okay? I’m just the rhythm guitarist, the most replaceable, unremarkable part of the band, and that’s just how it is. That’s how it always has been and that’s how it always will be, and that’s  _ fine.” _ The venom he spat into the last word rendered it completely unbelievable, and, to his horror, he felt a lump rise in his throat and tears begin to prick at the back of his eyes. He’d never said any of this out loud before, never given so much as a hint of these feelings except to his journal, hidden in his nightstand. 

“Bobby…” Flynn whispered, eyes soft.

“I’ve come to terms with it,” he shrugged, faking nonchalance. “I’m just… never going to be enough for them.” He swallowed a little painfully past the lump in his throat. “I’m just glad they at least have each other.” It was even almost true. 

On one hand, he  _ was _ glad they had each other, because he cared about them deeply and wanted them to be happy. But on the other hand, he was so  _ angry. _ Why did they get to have that and he didn’t? Why did they get to have  _ everything _ he wanted and then flaunt it in his face as he desperately tried to hide how much it hurt? He wanted them to hurt like he did, to understand the pain they’d been putting him through for years. He wanted to yell at them, he wanted to scream, he wanted to write it into a song and sing it so loud his throat got sore. He wanted to play that song in front of them and watch their faces fall as they realized what they had done, and he didn’t really want any of that at all, because goddammit, he  _ cared _ about them. He felt guilty even thinking about it. 

“You  _ are _ enough, Bobby,” Flynn promised. She leaned forward and took his hands in both of her own. “Just you being you. You’re enough.”

Bobby shook his head hysterically. “Then why don’t —” He swallowed, unsuccessfully trying to get his emotions under control. “Then why don’t they love me?” His whispered voice broke as his building tears finally fell. He raised a hand to rub his eyes, covering his face, and tried to turn away, embarrassed to be crying in front of Flynn. But she kept her hold on his hand and tugged him closer to her, and when he looked back at her, she had her arms open in a clear invitation for a hug. 

Bobby fell into her embrace gracelessly and sobbed even harder as he felt her arms wrap around him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried in front of someone, either. He clutched Flynn’s sweater in a death grip as he soaked her shoulder. She was much smaller than the boys he imagined hugging, and felt much less solid in his grasp than they would, but the feeling of another body pressed against his own and arms wrapped around him sated his deep-seated craving for human touch. 

Bobby cried on Flynn’s shoulder for an embarrassing amount of time, Flynn rubbing his back and making comforting noises the whole time. After a while, Bobby drew back and rubbed his eyes.

“Thanks for — for that,” he croaked out. “I guess I really needed that, huh.”

“You guess?” Flynn retorted, softer than her usual sarcasm. 

Bobby let out a shaky laugh and waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah.” He looked at her seriously, eyes still red and wet from all the crying. “Really, though, thank you.”

Flynn smiled at him and took his hand. “Yeah, of course. You know what this means?”

Bobby’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“We’re real, actual friends now, Reynolds,” Flynn declared. “So don’t go running off and pretending like this never happened.”

Bobby put up his hands in defense. “I wasn’t planning on it! We’re friends now, I got it.”

Flynn nodded authoritatively and crossed her arms. “Good.” After a moment, she relaxed and flopped onto her bed, beckoning Bobby to sit with her. “Now,” she said, “You’ve gotta tell me all about your crush. I mean, what’s so great about a bunch of sweaty teenage boys?”

Bobby gasped in mock offense, ignoring the part about his so-called crush for now. “They are  _ not _ sweaty!”

_ “They  _ are a bunch of hormonal, may I repeat,  _ teenage boys, _ you can’t convince me otherwise,” Flynn proclaimed. “Tell me about their good qualities, not their sweatiness.”

“I didn’t even bring up their sweatiness!”

“The  _ deets, _ Reynolds.”

-

It had been about a week and a half since Bobby’s bonding session with Flynn, and he still hadn’t told the boys anything. He knew he should. Flynn hounded him about it every time he saw her. But still, he hadn’t said anything. How do you even bring something like that up?  _ Hey guys, just thought I’d let you know that I feel woefully inadequate and desperately jealous every time you hug near me! Anyway, what kind of pizza do you want? _

No, he couldn’t tell them. It was fine. He’d survived for years not telling them, he would survive for a few more.

That day of band practice had been designated as a writing day. It was a Friday afternoon, and at lunch Luke had told them all to “bring their notebooks, he was in a creative mood.” They were planning to hang out all weekend, so Bobby could tell that he was hoping to have a new song by Monday. It sounded like fun, except for the part where he had been avoiding them so as to not have to deal with their PDA. But this was a band weekend. He couldn’t skip out on that! And to be honest, he had missed them, even though avoiding them was his own idea. So he packed an overnight bag and grabbed his journal before making his way down to the studio. 

He used the same journal for his late night, jealousy-fueled, angsty lyrics and rants as he did for his regular lyrics. They were all sort of mixed in together, but he didn’t expect anyone else to be looking at it, so he figured it would be fine. He didn’t usually do much with lyrics anyway, that was Luke’s thing. He mostly just helped figure out what chords should go where and thought of some cool riffs for Luke to do.

When he got there, Luke clapped his hands together and gathered everyone in a circle on the floor where they usually played. “Alright, guys! We’re gonna write a song.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Bobby said.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but I want everyone to be a part of writing this one. That’s why I asked you to bring your notebooks,” he explained.

“I’ve got mine right here! Full of country’s next top hits.” Reggie tapped his notebook and waggled his eyebrows.

“Reggie, I love you, but we’re not doing  _ Home Is Where Your Horse Is,” _ Luke said.

“Aw, fine,” Reggie pouted.

“Okay, so I was thinking everyone can go through their notebooks and find some lyrics you want to build on, and then we can try to put them together and make a song out of it,” Luke proposed.

Alex and Reggie nodded and began flipping through pages. Bobby was not entirely on board with this plan. Half the lyrics in his journal were sad one am rants about being jealous and lonely — not exactly stuff he wanted to share. He made to get up and go over to their instruments.

“Hey, where are you going?” Luke caught the edge of his sleeve before he could get there.

“Oh, I just thought it might be better with some music, you know, really get our creativity flowing.” Bobby would really be more comfortable if he could shield his body with his guitar.

Luke frowned at him. “You can get your guitar later, we’re doing lyrics first this time. Come on.” He tugged on his sleeve to get him to sit back down, and Bobby reluctantly did as he said. He opened his notebook and let out a breath. He could just not show it to anyone else. Or only read out appropriate lyrics to them and not let them see the rest. This would be fine.

Their songwriting session went well for the first hour. Luke, Alex, and Reggie all had some great ideas, and Bobby was even able to contribute a nice couplet for the prechorus. Eventually, he had to go to the bathroom, leaving his band squabbling over phrasing and proper rhymes schemes for a few minutes.

Bobby stepped out of the bathroom to find his friends clustered around his notebook. A jolt of panic shot through his chest. “Hey, what are you doing?”

“We forgot what exactly you said so we looked in your journal but then we flipped to the wrong page and —” Reggie’s rambling was cut off by Luke looking up at him, eyes strangely sad. 

“Bobby, is this really how you feel?”

The sinking feeling in his stomach deepened. “Is what really how I feel?”

“This.” Reggie held up his notebook. It took Bobby a moment to unfreeze himself and walk over to see what they were looking at. 

The two-page spread was a mess of scrawled pencil writing (still neater than Luke, Bobby would like noted). Disjointed fragments of verses covered the paper, with some edits and alternate lyrics in the margins.

_ I love the way you sing _

_ Oh, I've been trying to copy every word you say _

_ I love the way you think _

_ You have this way of knowing it'll be okay _

_ Where'd you get that confidence from? _

_ 'Cause you wear it like a coat _

_ All this feeling second best _

_ It's got me by the throat, I know _

_ That I've been obsessing in the worst way _

_ Look, I don't wanna fight _

_ No, I just wanna swap our bodies for a day _

_ Imagine I could drive _

_ With the top down _

_ Back and forth across LA _

_ And every time he mentions your name _

_ He says it like a prayer _

_ Getting caught up on the syllables _

_ I wish I didn't care, but no _

_ Oh, maybe I'm the one he had to outgrow _

Luke started to read out loud.

“ _ And look _

_ It's true, it's true, it's true, it's true _

_ I got these insecurities _

_ They're all mine, there's nothing you can _

_ Do, do, do, do, no _

_ And look _

_ It's true, it's true, it's true, it's true _

_ The other day I caught myself _

_ Just looking at pictures of you _

_ You, you, you, you, no, _ ” 

“Bobby…” The boy in question studiously ignored the pitied look in his eyes. Alex continued reading the next verse. 

“ _ I know that I've been flirting with the enemy _

_ But please don't be so perfect right in front of me _

_ I think of all the things that I will never be _

_ Tell me how, tell me how _

_ To be more like you. _ ” 

His voice trailed off into the air, making the last line sound almost like a question. Bobby hated the way they were looking at him, all soft and pitying and sincere.

“Who is it?” Reggie asked.

“What?”

“Who are you writing about that’s making you feel this way?” He demanded. “You’re clearly hung up on someone who’s already in a relationship, right?” Bobby furrowed his brow.  _ Hung up on someone?  _

“You deserve better than them,” Alex declared with fire in his eyes. “Whoever’s making you feel this bad should be ashamed of themselves.”

“You need me to beat someone up? Cause I will go beat them up,” Luke offered, half-joking, but Bobby could see the genuine conviction in his eyes. He felt a hysterical laugh bubble up at the image of Luke beating up himself like he was in a cartoon, emerging from a dust cloud with a black eye and scuff marks and only himself to blame.

“It’s not — it’s okay, guys, you don’t have to do that.” Bobby strode over and snatched his journal out of Reggie’s hands. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“You know you can tell us things, right, Bobert?” Reggie asked. “If you’ve got a crush, you can tell us! Toxic masculinity is dead.”  _ A crush? _ Bobby thought.  _ It’s not a crush. It’s you. _

“I don’t —” He started, but Luke interrupted him.

“We’re your best friends, Bobbers. We’re supposed to be there for you to help you through this kind of stuff. None of us even knew that you liked someone.” Fuck, he was giving him the patented Patterson Puppy Eyes. Bobby looked away in a vain attempt to avoid succumbing to it.

“I don’t have a crush, guys, it’s just —”  _ I’m just sad and lonely and jealous over you all the time? _ How to explain this… 

Alex snorted. “You don’t have to deny it, Bobby, we can read. You said you’re jealous like three times just on that page.” 

“So who is it?” Luke jumped in. 

“Is it Marcie?” Reggie guessed. “Ooh, or Shannon? You have been hanging out with her more.”

“Nah, bro, she’s single, he’s pining over someone in a relationship,” Luke corrected. “I think it might be Sophia Roth, they sit next to each other in math class.”

“No, it’s not —” Bobby tried, but he was once again talked over.

“You’re all forgetting about Mia Baker, she’s in Yearbook Club with him  _ and _ her boyfriend,” Alex suggested.

“Oh, that’s a good guess,” Reggie nodded. “But consider, Sara Newman from —”

“It’s not any of them!” Bobby exclaimed. “It’s — it’s —” He cast around for a believable lie and couldn’t find one. _Fuck. Fine._ _Flynn does keep telling me to just say it._ He took a deep breath and made his confession. “It’s you.”

Silence fell in the studio. Bobby couldn’t look at them.

“It’s… me?” Reggie said hesitantly.

“All of you,” Bobby clarified. “It’s all of you.”

The silence was suffocating. Bobby watched them look at each other and have one of their strange, nonverbal conversations that he was never a part of. If he was any tenser, his muscles would snap from the stress. As one, they all turned to look back at him.

“You’re jealous of us?” Alex asked uncertainly.

Bobby almost laughed. He felt like he’d never been more jealous of anything in his life, and now they were uncertain about the one fundamental truth about himself that he’d known since freshman year. He knew he’d been trying to hide it, but it almost hurt to see that he’d done such a good job. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

Reggie and Luke spoke at the same time. Bobby blinked. “Why?” He scoffed incredulously. “ _ Why? _ How could I not be?” He exclaimed. “You cuddle all the time, you hold hands, you hug, you’re just — you’re always touching. Right in front of me.  _ All _ the time. And you never include me in any of it, except for maybe the occasional high five. It’s like you’re rubbing everything I can’t have right in my face!” His chest heaved, and their stricken faces weren’t as satisfying as he thought they might be. “I just — I know you don’t like me as much, but you don’t need to be so obvious about it.”

“Bobby…” Reggie breathed, reaching his hand out to him. 

“We don’t  _ like _ you as much?” Luke repeated indignantly. In two long strides, he was standing right in front of him and cupping his face in his hands. Every point of contact burned on Bobby’s skin. “You’re my  _ best friend.” _ Bobby was helpless under Luke’s piercing gaze. “You know that.”

Bobby swallowed, his mouth dry, and licked his lips. “You’re only calling me your best friend because they’re already your boyfriends,” he retorted. “You don’t like me as much as you like them.” His eyes flicked over to Alex and Reggie over Luke’s shoulder. “It’s fine. I walked into this friendship ten years too late, and it’s fine. I’m always gonna be on the outside, fourth-wheeling you guys, and I’m never gonna be as important to you as you are to me, but that’s okay.” He tried to give Luke a reassuring smile, but it came out shaky and weak.

“Stop saying that like it’s true!” Luke nearly shouted. His hand slipped around to grab the back of his neck, and his other hand gripped Bobby’s shoulder tight enough to hurt. “It’s not true! We care about you! We care about you  _ so much!” _ His eyes glistened. Bobby couldn’t look away. 

“You’re so important to us, Bobbers,” Reggie said. Somehow Bobby had missed him coming up beside him. “We wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“I —”

“We love you,” Alex said on his other side, and stole all the air from his lungs. “We love you, you know that, right?” Bobby’s eyes met Alex’s and he searched for something to say other than  _ but you don’t. _ As the silence stretched on, Alex’s eyes softened and he reached for him, grabbing him and pulling him close. For a moment, Bobby was unsure whether he was going to hug him or kiss him, but then he felt warm arms around him and a solid chest against his. The tears welled up embarrassingly fast. His face was hidden in the crook of Alex’s neck, his hoodie soft against his cheek. He clutched his back like a lifeline, breathing deeply to avoid full-on crying.    
  


He felt a hand begin to move across his back, steady and comforting. “We love you, and we’ll keep saying it until you believe it, okay?” That turned on the waterworks. As he cried, he felt Luke and Reggie come up on either side of him and join the hug, making him sob harder. It just felt so  _ right. _ This was everything he had craved for so long, and while he would prefer to not be crying, it still felt so nice to finally get to be in their arms.

“I just — I —” He swallowed and tried again. “I know you don’t like me as much, and you say you love me but it’ll never be the same way you love each other, and you — you don’t —”

He was cut off by Luke cupping his cheek again and turning his face to stare into his eyes. “Don’t tell me how I feel,” he said intensely. “You’re not in my head, you can’t know what I’m thinking, can you?” Meekly, Bobby shook his head. “So don’t assume you know how I feel about you, because you’re wrong. About all of that.”

“But I —” He started.

“This is where you _ belong,” _ Luke told him, gaze piercing, every word landing like a pebble on a pond, skip-skip-skipping until it finally broke through the water and left no sign but a series of ever-expanding ripples. Bobby felt like he was drowning in the intensity of  _ Luke, _ unable to look away even as Alex and Reggie clutched him tighter. “You belong here. With us.” Luke finally broke his unflinching eye contact, just for a moment to look over at his other boys. “We’re never gonna let you go.”

Bobby exhaled shakily. He wasn’t sure exactly what a weight coming off your shoulders was supposed to feel like, but he imagined it couldn’t feel too different from this. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Luke repeated, smile coming out like the sun behind clouds, and Bobby nodded, speechless. Luke grinned and brought their heads together to rest their foreheads against each other. “Sunset Curve forever, baby,” Luke breathed.

Bobby’s breath caught, the sudden closeness and the pet name getting to him all at once. He hugged Alex even harder, balling up the material of his hoodie in his clenched hands. A kiss landed on the side of his head and Bobby looked over at Reggie. 

“You’re important to me, Bobs,” he said simply, and Bobby felt tears welling up again. He buried his face in Alex’s chest, unable to deal with that earnest affection. He could feel the vibrations in Alex’s chest as he laughed quietly, and then felt two more kisses dropped on his head, one on top and one on the side. 

They stood there in the embrace for a few minutes more before Alex said, “Okay, this is great, but I would love to move somewhere with pillows.”

“Oh! Yeah, that would be good.” Luke and Reggie detached themselves from the hug and went to set up the fold-out bed. Luckily, they didn’t have to completely fold it out, as they had been planning on sleeping over anyway, but they gathered enough pillows and blankets for the four of them to be comfortable.

Alex led him over to the bed and laid down behind him, pressing his chest against Bobby’s back and throwing an arm over his stomach. Luke and Reggie laid down on the other side of the bed mirroring them, Reggie spooning Luke so that Luke and Bobby were face to face. Alex moved his hand to rest on Luke’s hip, and Reggie’s hand moved to the same spot on Bobby’s side. Luke pressed closer and began to play with Bobby’s hair. 

“How are you feeling, Bobbers?” Luke murmured.

Bobby hummed contentedly, closing his eyes and tilting his head into the hand playing with his hair. “I’ve dreamed about this,” he confessed.

“You have?” Reggie asked.

Bobby hummed an affirmative. “Every night.”

“I’m sorry we made you feel so bad, Bobby,” Alex said from behind him. “We didn’t mean to, it’s just that — Well, we were worried that it was a bit weird at first, you know, because most people don’t cuddle their friends as much as we do, and especially once I came out, I was worried you wouldn’t be cool with it.”

“Alex, you know that doesn’t matter to me,” Bobby said, twisting around so he could see him. 

“I know.” He gave him a sad smile. “But it would to a lot of people, and I — I didn’t want to ruin anything.”

Bobby nodded and patted his leg reassuringly. “It wouldn’t have.”

“You never seemed like you wanted us to do anything,” Reggie added. “You never tried to initiate anything, and you always sat on the other end of the couch at movie nights, and even when we were on stage, you mostly just stayed in your corner. We figured you just weren’t super into the whole cuddling thing.”

“Oh,” Bobby said. Somehow, it had never occurred to him how his actions might have looked to them, how he might have encouraged the very thing he was hurting over. “No, that was — I was trying to stay out of your way.”

“Out of our way?” Luke repeated. “Bobby, you could never be in the way. We want you here.”

Bobby rolled his eyes and tried to ignore his blush. “Well, I know that  _ now, _ but I thought — well, you know what I thought. And after you guys got together, it was so much worse because then I was  _ actually _ fourth-wheeling. And you dialed up the PDA by, like, five hundred percent.”

“I’m sorry, Bobbers,” Reggie said, contrite.

“It’s okay, Reg.” Bobby stroked his bony hip with his thumb. Reggie squirmed a little.

“Should we stop being so cuddly, then?” Alex asked.

“No, that’s fine. I would just like to be included, i-if that’s not too…” Bobby trailed off, embarrassed.

“Of course we can include you, Bobby!” Reggie exclaimed.

“That’s good, because I don’t know if Luke can physically stop himself from being clingy all the time,” Alex snorted.

“Hey!” Luke pouted. “I just gotta show my boys how much I love them, that’s not a crime!” He tightened his hold around Bobby and pulled him closer, throwing his legs around his waist and tangling his feet with Alex’s.

Bobby gulped, feeling every point of contact on his body practically light up. He couldn’t deny he liked being referred to as one of Luke’s boys, though, and after a moment, he let himself relax into Luke’s arms. He could feel his fingers lightly trailing figure eights across his waist as Reggie and Alex shuffled closer to their respective little spoons.

“Hey Bobby?” Reggie asked a few minutes later, breaking the quiet atmosphere that had settled over them. Bobby hummed in response. “Earlier you said something about us not loving you the same way we love each other? What was that about?”

“Oh, um —” Bobby shrugged uncomfortably. “I just meant because you’ve known each other for longer and have a deeper bond because of it so while you’re the — the most important people in my life, I’m not that for you. Because you have each other.”

Alex and Luke crowded either side of him. “First of all, not true,” Luke muttered against his neck. 

“Not at all,” Alex agreed. 

“We love you,” Reggie added.  _ “So _ much.”

“Second of all,” Luke started, “How do you want us to love you?”

Bobby processed that for a second. “What?”

“You said you want us to love you like we love each other,” he said.

“...Yeah?”

“So then how do you mean?” Luke asked. “There’s a lot of different ways I love these guys, you know.”

Bobby blinked, corralling his thoughts and steadily speeding up heart. “I… I want to be a part of… This. You,” he answered slowly.

Luke’s eyes burned as he looked at him, seemingly considering something. He raised his gaze to Alex, having one of their silent conversations, and then briefly turned to do the same with Reggie. He turned back to the boy in front of him and raised a hand to his face. “Bobby.” He licked his lips. “I’m gonna do something, okay? Just… tell me if this isn’t what you want.”

And then he leaned in and pressed his lips to Bobby’s.

Sure, Bobby had wondered what it would be like to kiss his friends before. Not in depth or anything, but it was hard not to think about it when they were kissing in front of him all the time. He definitely didn’t expect to be kissed by them anytime soon, but here he was, kissing Luke.

Bobby only remembered to kiss back after a moment, too shocked to react right away. Luke was being gentle with him, cradling his face in his palm and putting barely any pressure on his lips. It felt nice to be cared for like this. He hadn’t had a lot of that in his life.

Luke pulled back and smiled at him, stroking his thumb across the soft skin under his eye. “How was that?”

Bobby cleared his throat. “Uh, good! It was good.”

Luke smiled. “Good.” Bobby smiled back, breathless, and then Luke leaned in and they were kissing again.

This time was a little firmer, both of them a little more confident. Luke tilted his head to the side to get a better angle, and Bobby could feel his heart pounding as their noses slid together. As they pulled apart, he made eye contact with Reggie, curled up behind Luke and watching them with a glint in his eye. Bobby had a moment of panic — _ oh god I just kissed his boyfriend in front of him! Twice! —  _ before he was being turned around in Alex’s arms to face the drummer.

“Okay?” Alex asked, forehead pressed to his and bright eyes just inches away.

Instead of responding, Bobby half-nodded against him and leaned in. Alex met him in the middle, soft and steady, and Bobby still didn’t quite know what was happening but he melted against him all the same. Alex’s hand was warm on the small of his back, but it was quickly covered by Luke’s warm body nestled behind him. He began pressing kisses to the curve of his neck, and Bobby gasped into Alex’s mouth at the sensation. Luke laughed into his skin as Alex took the opportunity to kiss him more intensely. 

“My turn!” Reggie called, and Alex withdrew from Bobby’s mouth to push him towards Reggie, an indulgent smile pulling at his lips.

Bobby turned towards Reggie, propping himself up to reach him over Luke. Reggie grinned at him and, with a hand on the back of his neck, enthusiastically reeled him into a kiss. Maybe it was just because Bobby was still flustered from the other kisses, but this one really took his breath away. Reggie clearly wasn’t holding anything back. Bobby faintly wondered if this was how Reggie kissed Alex and Luke when they were alone. The thought sent sparks shooting down his spine.

“That was hot,” Luke said from under them when they finally separated. Reggie laughed and leaned down to kiss him, too. Bobby stayed frozen above them, unable to look away. Alex tugged lightly on his arm and he collapsed into his vacant spot on the bed. 

_ “What?” _ He breathed out. What was happening. What just happened. He just kissed all three of his bandmates and best friends, who, by the way, were already dating.  _ What  _ was  _ happening. _

“You okay?” Alex looked down at him, brow creased in concern.

“Yeah. I mean no.  _ What.”  _ Bobby flung his hand over his face. His brain was just giving him an error message and a blank blue screen, which was really not helpful in trying to figure out what was happening.

“O...kay, that really clears it up, thanks,” Alex said, voice dry.

“Did you not like it? I told you to tell me if you didn’t like it.” Luke’s voice carried the exact expression Bobby knew he was making. He uncovered his face to check. Yup. Puppy dog Patterson.

“I didn’t  _ not _ like it,” Bobby said.

“What does  _ that _ mean?” Reggie asked.

Bobby’s mind was going a thousand miles a minute, compiling all the evidence. Flynn had called it a crush when he told her about his feelings. The guys had all thought he had a crush on someone when they saw his notebook. And now, he had just kissed all of them and thoroughly enjoyed it.

“Oh my god, do I have a crush on you?” He burst out.

There was a moment of silence in the studio before Alex, Luke, and Reggie started laughing, nearly falling over themselves with how hard they were cracking up.

“Stop laughing!” Bobby demanded, undermined by the giddy laughter bubbling up in him as well. “This is serious! Do I have a crush on you?”

Alex wiped tears from his eyes. “Well, I don’t know, Bobert, it’s pretty gay to kiss three dudes after confessing your undying love.”

Bobby flushed. “Alright —”

“It’s pretty gay to write songs about the three dudes you wanna kiss,” Luke teased. 

“You do that! Motherfucker —” Bobby tackled Luke, wrestling him for a minute before giving up and settling back down.

“It’s pretty gay to dream about cuddling your bros every night and not even realize you’ve been pining after them for years,” Reggie said, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now,” Bobby said, voice muffled from where he was hiding his bright red face in his hands. A pause. “That is pretty gay, though.”

Reggie laughed and pried his hands apart to give him a kiss. “Love you, baby.”

“Love you, too,” Bobby grumbled, still embarrassed.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realize you had a crush on us,” Alex snickered. “You said you were jealous of us for how long?”

“A couple of years,” Bobby muttered reluctantly. 

“Years.  _ Years _ he was pining for our touch! But totally not in a gay way, no, totally not,” Alex teased, overly dramatic gestures almost hitting Bobby in the face. He shoved Alex playfully.

“I just wanted to cuddle! I never thought about kissing you,” Bobby defended himself. 

Luke gave a picture perfect pout. “You never thought about kissing me? Not even once?”

Bobby avoided eye contact. “....Not extensively.”

“Ha! You did!” Luke crowed.

“It wasn’t, like, the main thing I thought about!” Bobby cried. “I was mostly just really touch starved!”

“Aw, come over here.” Reggie made grabby hands at him until he climbed over Luke, the other boy moving to the spot he just vacated, and into his arms. Upon arrival, Reggie promptly entangled himself with Bobby in an octopus-like embrace, squeezing him in a tight hug. “You don’t need to fantasize about us anymore, you can have the real thing anytime you want. No more mister touch starved, okay?”

A lump rose in Bobby’s throat. “Okay.” He nodded and buried his face in Reggie’s neck.

“So are we all dating Bobby now?” Alex asked. 

“Yes, obviously,” Luke said, and then grunted like someone had just elbowed him in the gut.

“Bobby?” Alex prompted.

“Yes, we can all be dating,” Bobby said into Reggie’s collar. 

“Such enthusiasm,” Alex commented.

Bobby twisted around to face Alex. “I have expressed enough emotions in the last hour to last me years. Literally. So I’m good for the next, oh I don’t know, decade?”

“There’s our Bobby, allergic to feelings again!” Luke teased.

“You know, now that you’re dating us, you’re probably gonna have to learn to be open and expressive and let yourself feel things,” Reggie said. 

Bobby made a face. “Gross.”

“It’s only a matter of time, Bobster,” said Reggie. “The clock’s ticking.”

“It’ll take months or years or something, I’ve got plenty of time to be repressed before then.”

“Well then, good thing we’re not letting you go for a while,” Luke said, snuggling up against Bobby’s back to prove it. He pressed a kiss to his shoulder and Bobby hid his lovestruck smile in the crook of Reggie’s neck.

“Mmm. Good thing,” Bobby replied absently and relaxed into his boyfriends’ arms. This was everything he’d wanted, everything he’d longed for, everything he’d craved.

“Hey, now that we’re all dating, is every time we all go out to dinner a double date?” Reggie mused.

“We’re not two separate couples, we’re a whole relationship,” Alex reminded him.

“But we’re four people! We can only fit two people on each side of the booth,  _ just like _ any other double date.”

“You’re an idiot. I love you,” Alex told him.

“Hey!” Reggie exclaimed. An argument started up between them about the logistics of dating and the rules of going out to dinner. Luke joined in periodically just to stir the pot and add another point of discourse.

These boys would be the death of him, Bobby thought with a smile. He wouldn’t ask for anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to in the bed by dodie, because i wrote that part at the beginning and then listened to that song and realized it was basically the same thing i had written. pining soundtrack babeyyy
> 
> coming up next in this series: aro bi reggie! then probably something with the girls and/or willie? i'm not really sure yet lmao but if you have something you want to see in this 'verse, let me know in the comments or on tumblr! @aroacethetic-shitpost


End file.
